Conception Date: CD 16 - 10th July 2009
BFP: CD 26 (10 DPO) - 20th July 2009
Left us on the 21st of August 2009 (8 weeks)
D&C on the 5th of September 2009
Well after a few months break, we decided to try again (unofficially) in July 2009. I had been having regular acupuncture, and had increased my vitamins to include 100 mg of baby aspirin and an extra 50 mg of vitamin B6. This was on top of my usual prenatal vitamins. I had also been trying chinese herbs to see if that might make a difference. I had also gone to the extremes of having no caffeine, and on the advice of my acupuncturist even stopped eating or drinking anything that was considered to be cold. Basically the only thing I drank was room temperature filtered water - no coke, no coffee, no tea, no soft drink, and definitely no alcohol. And I gave up my all time favourite food - chocolate !!
We found out on the 20th of July (the day after angel baby # 1 would have been due) that we were expecting again. Straight away we went to the Doctor and I was told to continue the baby aspirin, and to also take 200 mg of progesterone daily.
My husband and I had already had a series of blood tests done for recurrent miscarriage prior to this pregnancy, and everything had come back as being okay. The only thing that was 'borderline' for me was the antinuclear antibodies, which is why the Doctor had suggested baby aspirin and progesterone.
We had our first ultrasound at 6 weeks 3 days. There was the baby, and it had a heart rate of 115 bpm. The only thing that stood out to me was that it was measuring smaller then it should have been, which is what had happened the first time I was pregnant. I couldn't help but think this was just the beginning of the end... again....
Everything seemed to go fairly well this time round, although I spent the whole pregnancy absolutely paranoid about what would happen. When I got to 10 weeks exactly I had the tiniest amount of hope that I would finally get the baby I had dreamt about. How could it not work? We had done everything right, and we both wanted this so badly !!
BFP: CD 26 (10 DPO) - 20th July 2009
Left us on the 21st of August 2009 (8 weeks)
D&C on the 5th of September 2009
Well after a few months break, we decided to try again (unofficially) in July 2009. I had been having regular acupuncture, and had increased my vitamins to include 100 mg of baby aspirin and an extra 50 mg of vitamin B6. This was on top of my usual prenatal vitamins. I had also been trying chinese herbs to see if that might make a difference. I had also gone to the extremes of having no caffeine, and on the advice of my acupuncturist even stopped eating or drinking anything that was considered to be cold. Basically the only thing I drank was room temperature filtered water - no coke, no coffee, no tea, no soft drink, and definitely no alcohol. And I gave up my all time favourite food - chocolate !!
We found out on the 20th of July (the day after angel baby # 1 would have been due) that we were expecting again. Straight away we went to the Doctor and I was told to continue the baby aspirin, and to also take 200 mg of progesterone daily.
My husband and I had already had a series of blood tests done for recurrent miscarriage prior to this pregnancy, and everything had come back as being okay. The only thing that was 'borderline' for me was the antinuclear antibodies, which is why the Doctor had suggested baby aspirin and progesterone.
We had our first ultrasound at 6 weeks 3 days. There was the baby, and it had a heart rate of 115 bpm. The only thing that stood out to me was that it was measuring smaller then it should have been, which is what had happened the first time I was pregnant. I couldn't help but think this was just the beginning of the end... again....
Everything seemed to go fairly well this time round, although I spent the whole pregnancy absolutely paranoid about what would happen. When I got to 10 weeks exactly I had the tiniest amount of hope that I would finally get the baby I had dreamt about. How could it not work? We had done everything right, and we both wanted this so badly !!
But I still had doubt in the back of my mind, and after being fobbed off by several doctors who weren't interested in listening to what I had to say and not taking my fears seriously, I ended going to the A&E section of the public hospital and pretended that I had been having cramping... I was so sick of having to tell my whole history to different doctors and being told basically to 'toughen up'.
At the hospital we waited several hours before going in for our second ultrasound. During the ultrasound I remember my husband thinking that he could see the baby moving, but I knew in my heart that it wásn't... I think I knew straight away that my baby had already died. And our worst fears were confirmed about a minute later when we were told that there was no heart beat, and that the baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks. Our world came crashing down...
I was absolutely devasted, even though I had half expected the news. How could this be happening to us again? I felt terrible, and I felt even worse for DH who took it really badly this time round. How could I have let him down again? This was my responsibility, and I couldn't even give him the family he so desperately wanted. Our dreams were once again shattered. It was different this time round... after the initial sadness I became very emotionless and all I could think was that 'I'm not meant to be a mum'.
I didn't sleep much that night. While DH was asleep in bed, I went through everything pregnancy related that I could find and threw it all in the bin - all my books on fertility and miscarriage, the 'baby development pictures' that were on the fridge, and all of the pregnancy and parenting magazines that I had collected over the last year. And I 'finished' yet another pregnancy diary and put it away where I couldn't see it. I know it was a waste, but I just couldn't bear the thought of seeing anything that reminded me of what I had lost...
I opted for a D&C straight away this time round, as it was hard enough emotionally without having to go through the physical pain all over again. The next morning (the morning of the surgery) I woke up and did my Intelligender Test (the one I'd had stashed away for at least 6 months) while DH was still in bed. The result came up saying BOY...
Fortunately for us we had booked an appointment interstate with an IVF Clinic to have more tests done prior to this pregnancy, and I was relieved that we had not cancelled it. Maybe we had both known deep down that another loss was more then likely on the cards.
I think that one of the saddest parts about our whole journey so far is that I will never again take a BFP seriously. I know that getting pregnant doesn't mean getting a baby. And I know better then to get excited. It's taken away the naive enjoyment I could have experienced. And even though I would never regret any of my babies, I wish I could go back to that first time and get back the excitement and happiness that I had felt...
HCG LEVELS -
12 DPO - 45
17 DPO - 835
25 DPO - 11,300
32 DPO - 35,000
34 DPO - 48,714
38 DPO - 69,390
45 DPO - 105,500 (8 wks 3 days - baby had already left us)
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