Bleeding and Cramps...

Thankyou to all my friends on M&B who have supported me the last couple of weeks, and who were all so great about staying positive for my sake...

But unfortunately today was the beginning of the end for my precious baby # 5. I got home from work and have now started bleeding and having painful cramps. So going by experience (which I have plenty of now) I would say that I will more then likely miscarry tonight or tomorrow morning and have to spend some more time in a hospital.

Ironically I lost my first bub exactly one year ago yesterday. Seems one year on and I'm still no further ahead then I was back then !! And I know that while I'm in the hospital some time in the next few days, one of my friends will be in the same hospital delivering her healthy baby boy...

How am I ever supposed to have hope when I keep going through this over and over and over again?!? I have this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that this is one dream that will probably never come true, and there's absolutely nothing in this world that I can do about it !!