On Tuesday, 1st of December 2009 I found out that I was pregnant again. I was completely shocked and stunned, considering that we had been actively avoiding another pregnancy. Turns out I ovulated 4 days early, and by some miracle baby # 5 was conceived. EDD 10/Aug/2010.
I should be excited right?!? Well I'm actually feeling nothing at all at the moment.
I had my first appointment with the specialist today. He did a scan and found nothing, even though by now the sac should have been visible. So I'm mentally preparing myself for the inevitable. I think I've been prepared for this though since the second I found out that I was pregnant again...
That sinking, hopeless feeling inside that nothing I do will make everything work out the way I want it to. That no matter how strict I am with my diet, and my vitamins, and everything else my babies just can't survive.
And the Dr didn't say anything about the scan to me afterwards, but I'm used to that as well... they just don't know how to tell me that my baby isn't going to be 'viable'. I don't blame them though - imagine having to tell someone who's already lost 4 babies that the 5th isn't going to survive?!?
I was more then a little annoyed though that he refused to take into consideration the recommendations that the Dr from Monash IVF made about my pregnancy care. He had suggested in his referral that I be put straight onto 400 mg of progesterone daily, but this new Dr refused to do it saying that he'd rather wait for the blood results to come through before making that decision.
For crying out loud, I've been through this 4 times already and I've had more tests and poking and prodding then anyone should have to endure. This is not the time to be 'experimenting' - I need to try everything that's available to see what works. And I think that a Professor at one of the best IVF clinics in Australia would know what he's talking about... but it seems to make no difference here - I have to start from scratch all over again !!
dont give up yet, way too early to see anything, yes even a sac! hang in there sarah, in a week or two i guarantee you will see your bubba!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. I hate that you are on the fringes of the "5 losses club". I hate that it even exists. I'm currently in my 2ww for what could be my 6th pregnancy, but found out after my last one that I have the double MTHFR mutation, so hopefully the lovonox will help, I start it tonight. I'll be thinking of you, and just so you know, I don't want you in my club! :) *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to say good luck. My mother in law had four miscarriages before having three healthy children. She honestly thought she'd never have a child, how could she when she couldn't carry past the first trimester? Yet with no explanation she then had two successful pregnancies, one of them twins.
ReplyDeleteI'm doing my first IVF cycle and know the hopeless feeling well, I will never enter a pregnancy believing that that will be the one, but I hold out hope that one day it WILL be it.
One day you'll get your baby. Try to have a little hope.